There was a knock-knock-knock at my RV door. My 3-year-old granddaughter was coming to have breakfast with my wife and me. The door opened, and she stepped in wearing her Bluey pajamas. I looked across the yard and waved to her mom.
Jena took off her Minnie Mouse slippers, went to my fridge, got out her orange juice, grabbed a straw from the drawer, and plopped down in my recliner. Taking a sip of her juice, she asked if she could watch Blippi. This was a fairly typical Saturday morning.
I hadn’t planned on retiring at 57 or living in an RV. Funny how grandkids change things. When I saw the smile on my wife’s face holding Jena as a baby, I knew the plan would change.
In 2022, we sold our house, bought an RV, and moved to Vancouver, Washington. We’ve been very fortunate to spend so much time with the kids. It’s been great, though there have been challenges. It could have been disastrous for us had we not had such a good relationship with the kids.
I try to pay for as much as they allow me to
Relationships are challenging. Moving into a house owned by your adult children is a role reversal that some may have difficulty adjusting to. It’s not your house; you are no longer the leader; you’re a follower.
Money can be a major stress point in any relationship, and adding additional people to a household comes with added costs. My son refuses to accept rent from me and won’t let me pay any of the bills, so we take it out in trade.
My wife and I do a lot of household chores, even yard work. Once a week, we do the grocery shopping or pay for a Costco run. On Thursdays, I’ll get takeout, or we’ll all go to a restaurant, my treat.
They bought a fixer-upper house, and there is always some project underway that we are helping with. I thought that being retired would be more relaxing, but I regularly find myself hanging drywall, painting, putting in new fencing, or installing flooring. The work we do not only saves the kids money but also gives them more time as a family.
We provide childcare for them
Jena is our granddaughter, and we take care of her because we love her, not because it is a chore or some way to offset expenses. It’s fun being with her, going on walks to the park or the corner store to get ice cream, or playing in her blow-up pool in the backyard.
This is also a way to help the kids out. They can go out on a dinner date, and they don’t have to worry about her. Sometimes, they’ll go to a concert, and they don’t get back until after Jena’s asleep. She says night-night to mommy and daddy, gives them big hugs, and waves to them out the window. Then, we have a yummy dinner and a fun evening before bedtime.
Everyone has their own space so we can have boundaries
When we are staying with the kids, we are in the RV. We come over a few times during the day, and for family dinners, and Jena will come over and visit us. But we have our own space so everyone can have some separate time. If they have friends over, we make ourselves scarce.
When it was our house, we didn’t have to ask permission. Now, we have other adults to contend with, and there can be clashes. You’ve got to respect each other’s boundaries, especially with grandkids. When you live in a multi-generational house, you’re not a visiting grandparent; you’re often acting as a parent.
The kids also need to recognize that although it’s fun being around the grandkids, sometimes Gigi and Papa need a break. Chasing a 3-year-old around can really take it out of you.
We all have to be on the same page
It’s essential to make sure that everyone is on the same page. Even something as simple as making dinner needs to be discussed. We don’t just go over and start cooking food or even fixing lunch for Jena without asking.
Another tool we use is an erasable calendar on the kids’ fridge. Play dates, doctor appointments, yoga classes — everything goes on the calendar.
I grew up in a house with my mom and grandparents. Our son lived with us during college, and he and his wife lived with us for over a year before and after their wedding. This new life just seems normal and is mutually beneficial. We live rent-free and get to spend time with our kids and our granddaughter. They get live-in childcare and an extra set of parents to share the load.
We now spend the winter months traveling the country and returning home in the summer. A couple of times in the winter, my wife will fly home for a week to spend time with Jena.
We can’t imagine life any other way.