Who’s got two horns, helped to spearhead the first wave (and only true wave, for my money) of black metal and just hit the big 4,078-years-young milestone? No, it’s not the cloven-hoofed lad from Slayer’s “Show No Mercy,” but rather none other than the iconic demon goat from the cover of Venom’s “Black Metal” record!
And you can rest assured that it was one hell of a time.
All the “who’s who” of the metal world showed up for Mr. Demon Goat’s (D.G. for short) big b-day bash. Tom Warrior of Celtic Frost was there, and brought his world famous vegan pentagram-sugar cookies. Royalty also made an appearance, as King Diamond arrived bearing his (in)famous party favors of strawberry upside-down cross cake! And no party is complete without Fenriz bringing his homemade basement brew.
Even legends who are no longer among the living made it out for the momentous occasion.
“D.G. and Motörhead go way back,” said party guest Lemmy Kilmister. “As a matter of fact, D.G. and I did PCP for the first time together back in the seventies before he got the big Venom gig. I watched the sonofabitch flip 8 cop cars before burrowing back into the depths of Hell. We have been buds ever since.”
Amongst the debauchery and craziness however, there was a question on practically everybody’s mind: “Where are the Venom guys?”
“I made it pretty clear that I didn’t want any members from any iteration of Venom at my birthday party,” D.G. sternly explained. “If they can’t get along, and want to start 9 different versions of Venom, be my guest, but I refuse to take part in their silly, childish games. I’m sure Cronos will have something smart to say about that, and stoop to some level of picking on me about my age or something but let him. Because even at 4,078 years old, I still have a better hairline than he does.”
Ouch D.G., ouch!
So here’s to another 4,078 years to one of metal’s most iconic silver-faced demons! Maybe someday he’ll have a change of heart and reunite with the ones who put his name on the map, but until then, I think the song title “Leave Me in Hell” pretty much sums up his happy-go-lucky approach to life.